Tag Archives: Boobies

Could put an eye out with those things.

As a quick tip for the listeners who’re diligently working their way through the homework, don’t watch The Bank Job on say, a crowded train at 7am while you’re on your way to work. It’s riddled with boobies – you’ll get disapproving looks from the elderly lady sitting beside you. She couldn’t help but see because, like a fool, you were watching it full screened on your MacBook, frantically trying to fast forward while turning a deep shade of beetroot.*Ahem*

I Can Has Boobies?

There’s been a bit of a brouhaha recently and Uncle Kevin’s new internet censorship laws, and what they will mean to you. Fucked if i know, but i’ll comment anyway.I think the whole situation has been blown out of proportion by the usual suspects in the Australian blogosphere. They’re all in a huff arguing our politicians want to ban free speech, which is probably true. Kevvy and Conroy have also played a nice pr move by framing the debate in such a way that anyone concerned about the new laws are really supporting kiddie porn.

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Time out.If you visit the excellent and informative Department of Internets, you’ll see the government just wants to protect you and your children from all internet porn, not just the kiddie kind. And i, for one, support this.When i was just hitting puberty, there was no such thing as internet porn to warp my mind. Just the good old fashioned printed kind. Like most guys my age, i found my first porno mag on the side of the road. It was Club International, and I’ve had a soft spot for Club ever since. It was amazing, incredibly graphic, and despite being dumped by the side of the road, i loved it like it were my own.A few months later, after exhausting all the hiding places in my house, and terrified my mother would eventually find it, i dumped it back exactly where i found it. 5 minutes later it was gone, hopefully to another young boy in need.And thats the kind of experience i think todays kids, in our world of high speed boobies, are missing.A few months after i gave up that issue of club, i realised the mistake i had made. I went to replace it, only to discover newsagents dont sell porn to 14 year olds. And that printed porn is actually quite expensive.Again, our forward thinking laws helped in my development, they taught me how to steal. The first magazine i stole was a copy of the now defunct Australian Playboy from the Macquarie Fields Ampol Service Station. It was this issue with Drew Barrymore on the cover. I’m going into that much detail because i’m sure the clerk, god rest his soul, actually spotted me stuffing the magazine down my pants but let me steal the magazine anyway. After all, he was 14 once too.In the next few years i became so good at shoplifting, that once i was able to casually slide another Club International down my jeans while talking to the newsagent. He didnt see a thing. Later, i graduated to stealing walkmans, jeans, silk boxer shorts (they were a status symbol when i was 16..) and even a gameboy, but thats another post.The point is, i worked hard for the boobies. These days kids just need to be able to break the pointless firewalls and filtering software their parents (or the goverment) installed. And if the software is easy enough for their parents (or the goverment) to install, then the kids can break it.Maybe, if Conroy and Co want to stop kiddies looking at porn, they should increase broadband speed/accessibility across the country. In fact, i vaguely remember that being an election promise. Cos as I’ve said before, atleast in my case, the higher the bandwidth, the less porn you look at. When you have the speeds to comfortably steal movies, tv shows, albums, download podcasts, and watch Youtube vids all day long, then porn is just another distraction. On shitty speeds, just about the only fun thing you can do on the net is look at babelogs.Either way, these stupid fucking laws wont mean a thing.

I Love Me Some Fleshbot

just skimming headlines in my RSS Reader, i came across this from Fleshbot:Redundant Porn Title of The Moment : Jam it All The Way Up My Ass No. 4So begins a discussion as to why “all the way up” is unnecessary in that title:The act of jamming something up something else certainly implies getting it in there as far as it will go. If not, what else is there to jam it on?I love what some people have the time to argue on the net. No discussion as to whether this fine film matches the quality of the previous three Jam It All The Way Up My Ass films, or what this outing brings to the overall things being jammed all the way up asses oeuvre. Its merely a discussion of semantics.Who dare says Fleshbot is NSFW? But just in case, i wont provide a link or picture.

More Bandwidth = Less Porn

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I’m a cheapskate.For that reason I hung onto a dial-up connection far longer than i should have. International readers, yes some Australians still use dial-up. Thats because our “high speed” internet is so fucking slow compared to the rest of the world. Actually, side rant: It really annoys me when i hear a tech podcast from the US and the hosts start complaining about the slow 1Mb connections most ISP’s offer. Dude, we get 256kb if we’re lucky!But lets get back on track, shall we?I’ve been enjoying broadband for about six months now, but i just realised with a higher speed, always on connection, I’m looking at far less porn.Now don’t get me wrong, i was never a huge consumer of net porn before. Mainly i would just peruse the nudie blogs every few days and look at the latest art. Places like Kind Girls and Fleshbot (both are Probably NSFW). More often than not, i was bored or disappointed by the repetitive poses, and airbrushed pics. And i never watched “moving image porn.” After years studying film and television, i couldn’t help critiquing the harsh lighting and bad audio of the porn i saw, which left little time to appreciate the forced grinding of the people on screen. But I still came back to the nudie blogs…Like most young men, I can still lovingly recall the first decent free photoshoot I every saw on the net, it was a young Erica Campbell in a bubble bath. There was something about that photoshoot that just seemed perfect. Ever since, I think I’ve been looking for the next “perfect shoot,” and while there have been many contenders, few have left an impression. To use an inappropriate metaphor, The Perfect Photoshoot became my white whale.But that was before broadband. Now, my speeds are decent enough to download podcasts, to uploads articles, and to get legitimate legal stuff via bit torrent. The thought of looking at the same old nudie sites just doesnt enter my mind. Finally, when I’m on the net, i no longer think with my Moby Dick.Pete.