Fulltime Casual - An Australian Film and TV Podcast

Remember that guy in high school with the hair that always heralded the next trend, who was good at sports, popular with his peers, and who’s vapid mocking grin filled you with impotent rage? Remember that one girl you liked, the perfect, interesting, devastating girl, who used to smile at you, and who’s face filled your frequent daydreams? Remember when she started dating him and your heart broke, sweetened saliva flooding your mouth as your body prepared to empty it’s stomach? Welcome to the Hollywood adaptation of Neuromancer, that wonderful, perfect story you cherished when younger who’s decided to get involved with everything you hate.

“But he directs music videos!”
“Yeah he’s an artist. It’s cool you know?”
“Cool? He directed Torque! I ride motorbikes and that film deeply offended me on more levels than I care to think about.”
“I liked Torque, it was just a fun movie you know? You’re taking it too seriously.”
“Anyway, he made music videos for Britney Spears! Two of them! Why are you with him?”
“She’s famous and he worked with her, do you know how much money those videos made her label? What’s your problem?”
“He’s a fucking douche! His IMDB entry reads like his Mum wrote it! You’re one of the culturally and aesthetically defining works of my generation, and you’re sleeping with this fucktard! I fucking love you and you do this to me?!”
“Get the fuck away from me you freak! What the fuck is wrong win you - you fucking psycho! Don’t call me again or I’m ringing the police! You fucking stalking fuck!”*

*I imagine Tarantino dialogue looks a little like this, but with more gun shots and cigarettes.

I’m livid, those utter, utter bastards. Who’s idea was it to give this property to Joseph Kahn? No I’m not reassured that Gibson is writing the screenplay, he also wrote the adaptation of Johnny Mnemonic, remember that little gem? Sure, Hayden Christensen has been removed from the billing but the point is he was there in the first place!